I went to group yesterday and we made a collaborative collage as a mindfulness activity. I felt okay when I went there, but as I was driving home I started to feel grumpy and upset...I thought about having my treatment Fri. and I obsessed over snapping at my girls before school. I was hungry too so I stopped at Walmart to get something to eat at Dunkin Donuts (multigrain bagel with lowfat cream cheese) and I felt a little better.

It's hard to be mindful when we've run out of water in our house (5 days so far) and it's almost 100 degrees. We are supposed to go camping this weekend and I have a treatment on Friday. Where is the JOY? We've been learning about distress tolerance in group and using certain skills to distract us from our stress. We had to use at least one skill a day for a week. It did help a bit to refocus my mind onto something like TV or reading or to hold some ice (a shock to the senses). The trick is to get yourself to do it. You have to ask yourself-- how important is it to feel better? I need to keep asking myself that.

It always makes me feel better to find/talk about something that I'm interested in. I heard about this great book on the TODAY show that is about a woman who loses her job and spends about a year at home addicted to reality TV shows. It sounds awesome, especially since I am enthralled with two particular reality shows-- WIFE SWAP and TRADING SPOUSES. If you haven't watched these shows, they are about women who change places with each other and find out how it is to be the wife/mother in a new family. It is so interesting to see these people living in a family that is basically the opposite of her own. So, anyway, I plan to read this new book:

Maybe you should read it too and tell me what you think...

I've Been Thinking...

So, it's been a while and there are a lot of reasons why I haven't been here.  Since my last post I was in the hospital and since I've been home I haven't wanted to think about my illness any more than I need to. I'm forced to think about it often, though, because I am having frequent ECT treatments. I really debated sharing about my treatments on this website because I didn't want too many people knowing about them . However, in the last few days I have realized that sharing my experiences might help people better understand ECT.

There seem to be many preconceived ideas about ECT treatments and the people who get them. It was hard for me at first, too, because the people I usually see at the hospital are old and senile-- not young and coherent like I am. However, once and a while I will see a patient who is similar to me and I try to concentrate on them.

I will tell you what the usual experience is like for me. I get to the hospital fairly early in the morning-- I am now going every other week. I am shown into a special section of the surgery and the nurses give me a warm blanket as I arrive at my bed.  The nurses are very sweet and non-judgemental. A nurse will set up my IV once I am settled in. I am given a quiz so that they can make sure I'm not loosing too much memory. Soon after the quiz, I am wheeled into the operation room. The anesthesiologist speaks to me for a second to make sure he has the correct medication for me. After this, I am given the oxygen and the anesthesiologist gives me my medication through the IV. I fall asleep. According to the doctor, the actual treatment lasts about 2 minutes. In total, I am asleep for about 10 minutes. I wake up and my first thought is, 'when am I going to fall asleep?'... Then I realize that the whole thing is over. My husband comes to get me and the nurse helps me to a wheel chair-- I'm a bit dizzy. I'm wheeled to my car and my husband drives home. For the rest of the day I lay down because I'm headachy and a little dizzy. By nighttime, I feel much better and I next day I'm back to normal. I do experience a bit of memory loss, but it isn't significant.

Overall, this is not a scary event. I don't feel a thing and I only have to rest for one day. The thing about these ECT treatments is that they work and I really haven't felt this good in a very long time. I'm rational and happy in my everyday life and I don't regret having them. My message is that if your doctor suggests ECT treatments, don't immediately run the other way... they might work for you the way they do for me.

I will be giving updates on my treatments and other aspects of my life from now on. I'll also offer information about emotional wellness and life in general. Remember to take moments for mindfulness-- take time for yourself!